Dear White Women. Let’s Step Up.
The other day, my friend Gwen Webber-McLeod posted an image online that read “Find me a Black woman whose ‘qualifications’ haven’t been questioned. I’ll wait.” At the end was the nail painting emoji.
It’s been on my mind ever since. I’m trying to imagine what it would be like to endure this level of relentless questioning throughout my life and career. I’ve dealt with plenty of BS — make no mistake — but nothing like the Black women in my life.
I’ve been fortunate to form close relationships with many BIPOC women (and men too) who tell it to me straight. Who have helped me see the world through a wider aperture. Who have been bold and brave enough to tell me “I don’t need you as my ally cheering from the sidelines. I need you to get on the field with me and be an accomplice.”
I’ve checked in with several women of color since Kamala’s rise and heard a common theme: They’re bracing for the retraumatizing racism and misogyny that is inevitable in the next 95+ days and beyond. Many BIPOC women also feel less safe when there’s an uptick in racist, misogynistic rhetoric online and in the news. What Kamala is experiencing on a world stage now, they’ve experienced on smaller stages throughout their lives. I want to share some of the stories that have been shared with me over the years to help people understand that it’s not only happening to Kamala, it’s also happening right under our noses. In our workplaces. And it’s high time we use our own power to interrupt these cycles of bias.
I’ve heard too many disturbing stories to recount them all, but here are a few:
— A Black woman leader in tech got a job offer from another tech company (a behemoth). They told her that her 25 years of executive experience at a different Fortune 500 company didn’t carry enough weight to bring her in at the same VP level she was leaving. She needed to “prove herself” before they could promote her to VP — but they assured her it would happen quickly. Instead, two years went by, and she watched white men and women enter the organization and be promoted up as opposed to down-leveled, as she had been. Some of her white women colleagues would commiserate with her, “I know, isn’t it so annoying that the men get promoted faster?” She’d agree, but then she’d watch as these white women also got promoted before her again and again.
I’ve heard a version of this story dozens of times in my work with Black employee networks across tech and biotech. One Black leader summarized this phenomenon: “We talk about the glass ceiling and the broken rung on the ladder, but for Black leaders, it’s not just a glass ceiling or a broken rung. People expect us to step down a couple of rungs on the ladder when we change jobs or move from one company to another.
— Another Black woman leader was given constant praise from her white woman boss. “You’re great. I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re my right-hand person!” But her boss’s actions told a different story when she was passed up for promotion three times. Only to see her white colleagues, with the same or less qualifications and experience, advance up the chain.
— Another Black woman leader was put in the bottom 10% at performance review time (in a forced curve environment), after always earning high marks over her 20+ years at the company. She was shocked and asked how she could improve and recapture her standing. Instead of getting legitimate performance feedback, she was told, “Oh, no. You’re great. I value your work very much. But I had to put someone in the bottom 10%. So it was you.”
— Another Black woman was leading a meeting waiting for the other participants to arrive. An external partner who had never met her before walked in and immediately asked her to get him coffee. She got it for him and then watched his face turn every shade of red when she kicked off the meeting and he realized she was the most senior leader in the room. Ah, sweet justice.
— A Black male leader told me that he puts a license plate holder around front and back plates to honor fallen police officers. “This way, when I get pulled over by the police, they see me as less threatening.” He shared that since taking this action, he still gets pulled over regularly but incidents of being searched, harassed, or ticketed have gone down significantly.
These stories — and so many more — make my blood boil. I certainly don’t know everything there is to know about racism or the experience of BIPOC women and men. I never will. No matter how many stories I hear or how many books I read. But I will listen, try to do better, and do what I can to elevate marginalized voices. And I will commit to standing up to the unjust hatred being flung at Kamala Harris and others.
I imagine that some of the stories above may feel familiar to many of us white women. That empathy is important, but I also think it’s important that we do not assume our experience is the same. Having observed this phenomenon closely for a decade (since having my own eyes opened to it), I think it is magnitudes more intense in its frequency, severity, and duration.
White women have a huge opportunity through this election cycle to get on the field and stand shoulder-to-shoulder with our BIPOC sisters. And to do so, we need to understand how BIPOC women’s experiences of the world diverge from our own. But raising awareness isn’t enough. We need to raise our voices too. We have lived under the implicit rules of white silence for far too long. I am ready to cash in my social capital, are you?
If you are ready to speak up but not sure what to say, I have been practicing in my own workplace and social circles. My goal is to learn out loud over the next 3 months. I know I will make mistakes. But I am going to put action above perfection in my own quest to stand up to the bullies. Kamala Harris’s leadership resume and experience make her not just a qualified candidate, but an absolutely stellar one. I’m ready to talk about that with anyone who will listen!
In part 2, I’ll share some ways I speak about her qualifications and how I have been responding to common criticisms. Stay tuned…
Mitch Shepard is a Chief Truth-Teller, an applied behavioral scientist, an author, a trusted coach & advisor, a passionate world traveler, a loving mother & wife, a sought-after speaker, a recovering Catholic, and an ass-kicker of cancer.
